This is an amazing feeling.

So up until yesterday I have been freaking out and feeling so unprepared and frantic and anxious and nervous about this pageant. But the weirdest thing happened yesterday. I woke up and felt completely at peace. All day long I don't think I worried over it once. I have no idea why the sudden change. Even if I tried thinking about it the anxious feeling would not come back. That in and of itself makes me nervous. Even today, I feel completely comfortable and not worried. Maybe I crave the adrenaline and I'm not getting it. I suppose it could mean I finally reached what I've been working for. I'm totally comfortable with me and I just feel inner peace and confidence with who I am. I'm looking forward to this weekend and can't wait to get glammed up. Today I've waxed my eyebrows and am off to get spray tanned...hooray!

pageant update

So we are a little over a week from the big night and I'm feeling the momentum starting to build. It's exciting. I'm waltzing around the house in stillettos (?) and my brain's spinning from answering questions even in my dreams. I'm not lying. Sometimes my brain will not shut off at night. I am a little perplexed though. You see I'm aiming to be myself during this interview, however when I'm in a stiff suit and I have to sit up really straight and not gesture too much, that just doesn't equal me. I'll keep practicing I guess and fill myself with positive affirmations and pray for the best. I feel pretty good about the on stage walking, however there are 10, yes that's right 10 stairs that I have to navigate TWICE!!! Can we hold on to the rail? People are dropping out all over the place which makes me sad. I can say, if you are coming, it's really going to be a great show. The music is fun and the set will be amazing. Think Beauty and the Beast. I really am getting excited and I'm getting butterflies in my stomach just thinking about it.
I'm really starting to invest my heart into it which is scary, because I just don't want to be disappointed. There are amazing girls that are competing along side me. I figure if you don't see yourself as the winner then you never will be. I'm trying to be brave and start to imagine it, because during this whole process I've stayed away from those thoughts. I am happy with what I've accomplished so far and would be thrilled to be able to continue the journey as Mrs. Utah for another year. Wish me luck and I thank you all for your encouragement and kind words. Only one week to go and I can't wait to see how it all turns out!

Platform relevancy and confirmation.

I've always believed in my platform and felt that it is so relevant for today, and concidering the fact that by 2010 it is estimated that 20% of Utah's population will be Hispanic I believe it could help this growing population tremedously, however it was the story that broke last week that confirmed it to me. I was so sad to hear of the New York shootings at the immigrant center. While reading the articles on line, they repeatedly said that the man was frustrated with his job loss and his inability to speak English very well. He also felt like others were laughing at his attempts to speak English. I hope that none of us would ever laugh at another for trying. I know that it is so intimidating to speak another language and the fact that others are mocking you would discourage your meager attempts. One paper quoted him as saying, "America sucks." Do you think he came to this country thinking that? I doubt not. But he was met with frustrations and disappointments like most immigrants I would assume. It's not easy to learn a new language and try to succeed in a working environment. This is what my platform is all about. I want to help individuals before they feel all is lost and do something terrible. We can help and support others as they fulfill their American dream by encouraging them to learn English and I would encourage all to be a little more patient and smile when they hear someone trying their best to communicate in our native tongue.

My little cheerleaders!!!

So the girls have been so much apart of my pageant prep. They get shuttled around and usually end up with a trip to McDonald's everytime we have to venture out to Raychaleene's for alterations, which has been a lot. They come with me to have my shoes fixed, to buy earrings, to a baby sitter so I can get a spray tan, and the list goes on. Gabriela gives me her opinion of all the other ladies and today she noticed how her eyebrows were bigger than the other ladies. I had to laugh a little bit at that point. They let me model my swimsuit for them and Gabriela is always so kind and says, "Mom, you look great," and "Mom, I love your fancy dress...it's beautiful." Too bad she can't come back stage with me. She would boost my self confindence. Everyday she asks me when the pageant is and is so excited she gets to go. She also tells me, which I think is priceless coming from her little four year old voice, "Mami, it's o.k. if you don't win. You just try, try again, and keep getting better." Here they are modeling my pageant heels and others they've seen me wear. Please excuse the underwear.Here's the peanut gallery as I model my swimsuit. I just don't think they are very interested, do you? You work with what you got...right!

A little blogger's remorse.

O.k. I'm feeling pretty bad about the last post. I was having a bad day, if you couldn't tell. It sounds as if I'm miserable doing this pageant, which is not the case at all. I'm so glad that I'm doing this and it has been the best experience. I would recommend it to anyone who's out to find an avenue for self improvement. I just think I'm feeling the pressure as the event approaches ever so quickly. I'm really excited for the big night and can't wait to see how it all turns out.