Feeling guilty right out of the gate

This morning Julianne woke up at 6:00 a.m. and I got up to feed her. I usually just sit on the couch, mostly asleep, and feed. I tried to make a commitment last week to not to go back to bed after feeding her and just stay up and exercise or read my scriptures, since I don't get any personal time during the day. This was actually Miguel's idea. I would really prefer to go back to bed, but I know that I will never get to the other things once the girls get up. Anyways, I had just sat down to feed Julianne and I hear Gabriela's door open. You know there are some sounds in life that bring dread and annoyance. Well the sound of her door opening is one of those for me, because I know that when the door opens whoever comes out is headed for me. She comes in and wedges herself between me and the end of the couch which is about 6 inches and tells me she can't see. I just have my head back and my eyes closed trying to ignore her and she proceeds to flip the lamp on directly above my head. O.k. now I'm really annoyed. It's 6:15 after all, go back to bed. I quickly snap and turn the light off and she starts crying about how she can't see and I can see that she came out of her room with a handful of toys expecting me to play. I told her I was tired. She then tells me the stinger. "I never get to play with Mami," all the while crying. An arrow straight to the heart. I'm always putting off playing with her. I personally don't remember adults sitting in the floor with me and playing Barbies or anything else. Pretend play exhausts me, especially when she hands me a piece of coral reef and wants to pretend with it. Maybe I've just lost my imagination. I feel horrible, because I know that that is what she wants most from me...to just sit and the floor and play with princesses or some other little inanimate object. What a great way to start the day.