I just love them...individually!

My girls are absolutely adorable as long as they are seperated. Gabriela went to her cousins today, so it was me, Sophia, and Julianne today. During the morning G and S were at each others throats. They will fight about everything. Once Gabriela left, Sophia turned into an angel. She's happy as pie by herself. As soon as Gabriela came home, they were at it again. Honestly girls! I also wonder about communication. I've got one girl who talks back and expresses herself all the time (she generally sounds like she's 16) and then the other two who can't talk, they just scream. I wish they could only express sweet kind words to me and to each other. Sign language is good too.
I have to write about my evening. It can get so chaotic. Miguel was gone on a buisness appt. and I was left to man the kids. First Gabriela pees her pants for the second time today. I was so mad, to say the least. Luckily it was outside so I didn't have to wipe it up. While I was trying to get G and S ready for bed Julianne is screaming bloody murder. Once I finally get them to bed I go to give J a bath. While bathing her, her bathtub collapses in the sink (girl, you better lose some weight) and she starts screaming again. So now I'm holding it up with my left, and trying to wash her and keep her head out of the water with my right. Are you gettin the picture. Then to add insult to injury I tried to lower the water pressure and when I did the water turned cold. Now she was so mad. I felt so bad and finally let the tub fall into the sink so she was all ackward while I rinsed her off. After the bath I walked by the girls room and could hear someone jostling the doorknob. That was weird. When I opened the door, there stood Sophia in the floor. What! I guessed she'd finally figured out how to crawl out of her crib. Plus she was so wired and bouncing off the walls, I thought this was going to be a long battle. After a couple of threats, they finally went to sleep and here I sit, enjoying some final peace and quiet. Whewww, that was long. Well at any rate, I survived it and once more proved to myself that I can do it.

What's goin' on?

As of late, meaning the last week or so, I cannot sleep. I stay in this middle zone during the night where I'm not fully awake, yet I'm not passed out either. I think I dream really vivid dreams all night long so when I wake up I feel like I never went to bed. My sweet little Julianne has relapsed and is waking up somewhere between 3 and 5 every night and I have to get up to feed her. I feel like a zombie during the day. I was watching Oprah the other day and good ole Dr. Oz was on telling us the keys to staying young. One of those was to get 8 hours of sleep. At the rate I'm going I'm probably 60 already. At least I feel that way most of the time. Plus, I don't know how mothers nurse there babies to the age of 1. I feel like it depletes me of everything I have. I nursed Sophia for 5 months, that's the longest I've gone and poor Julianne, I don't know, I'm loosing my patience quickly so we'll see how it goes. I know it's good for them, but should I waste away as a result. Talk about sacrificing for your kids. I feel frail and weak and everything else in between. My hairs starting to fall out from the pregnancy. Well at any rate, I'm alive and doing o.k. on most accounts, so I should be grateful.

It Hurts even though it's a Good thing.

Do you ever just hate the fact that your husband has to go to work. I mean you know he has too and it's a good thing, because otherwise you wouldn't eat or be able to do anything. There is just this sad resentful emotion that comes up in your chest like you are being left behind. Well the only show that i'm really into this summer is So You Think You Can Dance. There was a routine that emphasized the very emotion that I feel. It portrays it so much better than I could ever say with words. Take a look. It's very well done. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lC4OtJgNdrY

Feeling guilty right out of the gate

This morning Julianne woke up at 6:00 a.m. and I got up to feed her. I usually just sit on the couch, mostly asleep, and feed. I tried to make a commitment last week to not to go back to bed after feeding her and just stay up and exercise or read my scriptures, since I don't get any personal time during the day. This was actually Miguel's idea. I would really prefer to go back to bed, but I know that I will never get to the other things once the girls get up. Anyways, I had just sat down to feed Julianne and I hear Gabriela's door open. You know there are some sounds in life that bring dread and annoyance. Well the sound of her door opening is one of those for me, because I know that when the door opens whoever comes out is headed for me. She comes in and wedges herself between me and the end of the couch which is about 6 inches and tells me she can't see. I just have my head back and my eyes closed trying to ignore her and she proceeds to flip the lamp on directly above my head. O.k. now I'm really annoyed. It's 6:15 after all, go back to bed. I quickly snap and turn the light off and she starts crying about how she can't see and I can see that she came out of her room with a handful of toys expecting me to play. I told her I was tired. She then tells me the stinger. "I never get to play with Mami," all the while crying. An arrow straight to the heart. I'm always putting off playing with her. I personally don't remember adults sitting in the floor with me and playing Barbies or anything else. Pretend play exhausts me, especially when she hands me a piece of coral reef and wants to pretend with it. Maybe I've just lost my imagination. I feel horrible, because I know that that is what she wants most from me...to just sit and the floor and play with princesses or some other little inanimate object. What a great way to start the day.